Bestival

What are you doing on the 5th, 6th, 7th & 8th of September?

That's right, you're going to the Isle of Wight to have the time of your life at Bestival. The clue is in the name. Bestival … Best-festival. Clever that, ain't it. 

Unfortunately I cannot attend this year, because I'm working in a Portuguese beach shack (life is just so hard). But don't freak out, I'll be with you in spirit and also in the form of a compact tour guide booklet. Maybe print it off and hand it round? Let's advertise The Event Bible and widen my die-hard group of readers! Don't include my plea in the print out though, I don't want to look desperate ... 

Anyway, here are 5 of the best things about Bestival …

1. The big blow up church

Brides-to-be mill around inviting you for free champagne and profiteroles, and when there isn't a wedding going on the crazy priest cranks up the tunes and parties the night away. Be careful if you are going along with someone you like/fancy/love/don't love/hate … you don't want a Ross and Rachel Vegas scenario.

                2. The Ambient Forest

If you're feeling a little tired (hungover) head to the ambient forest and let the hippies soothe you with their tambourines and floaty dancing. 

3. Fancy Dress Day

Each year Mr Bestival chooses a theme and on Saturday everybody dresses up. Last year it was 'wildlife' and people really went for it, with papier mache elephant heads and stuff. Go hard or go home, basically. So please, whatever you do, don't be the fool who wears a onsie.

4. The Rave Police

Picture this ... a police van drives through the festival, freaking out all the drunk/krunk people. Then the van stops, the roof rises up to reveal a huoooge set of decks and all the police men and women jump out and start dancing. It's really fun. 

5. Main Stage

There are some cracking acts this year. Who's excited for Elton John!? I'm jealous. This 'Snoop Lion' fella too. Although I'm not keen on the new name he's trying to introduce. You're a doggy dog you silly man, not a lion.

Because I am feeling generous, and a little emotional after thinking about last year, here is a top tip as well as the tour guide. I spoil you …

Scarlett's Top Tip

Once again, don't purchase a tepee from Argos. See photographic evidence below.

It wasn't even flipping windy

 

Buy your tickets here, and whilst you're at it watch this groovy vid of 2012.

Have the best(ival) time x

Glastonbury

Post-Glastonbury depression is tough.

The world is too quiet, I can't see any tents and it is no longer socially acceptable to dance instead of walk. One week has passed and I'm still retiring to my bedroom at 3 for a mid-afternoon kip. That, my friends, is the sign of a flipping great time.

Glastonbury was undoubtedly the MOST AMAZING 6 DAYS OF MY LIFE. I might not be a natural tent-dweller, and I do prefer showers to baby-wipe baths but who cares when you can have breakfast with Mr Nice, lose your mind in Shangri-la and (in my case) embark on a journey of self-discovery.

Honestly, I learnt a lot about myself down on Worthy Farm. Maybe it was the hippy vibes... maybe it was the 3 litres of vodka.

1. I'm going to grow my hair, thicken my eyebrows and become a Haim sister
2. I need to marry Winston, the Mumford & Sons banjo player
3. I want a pet monkey, or alternatively to find the lovely little man who was dressed in a gorilla suit. He let me drag him around and play pretend for a good half hour, so now my heart is set on a primate pal.

  

This week's fun format is reminiscent of primary school. You know, the one where you have to spin off a word or phrase from each letter of the big important word (in this case GLASTONBURY). Here goes …

Grooving - The real world is dance deprived, seriously. Everyone. Dancing. All the time. 

Love - I FOUND LOVE AT GLASTONBURY! Honestly I did. I saw him one day and wouldn't stop talking about how amazing he was. Then I was sat on the STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN (this is movie material) and he sat next to me and INTRODUCED HIMSELF … #Fate. 

Alex Turner - Well hasn't he turned out well. When the Arctic Monkeys first came on the scene, females dismissed him as a scrawny teenager. No more. He looked scrumptious in that dinner jacket, with his hair slicked back like Danny Zuko. Very good Alex, very good.

Shangri-la - There are no words. It's the best/weirdest/craziest place where you can party all night long amongst condom chandeliers and giant headless babies.   

Tepee - Do not purchase from Argos. They flood and collapse. 

Oaty Disappointment - The low point of the weekend for me. I bought a slab of flapjack from a local farmer (a cunning disguise maybe?) for £3.50, believing it was 'the best in the world'. Worst in the world more like, pal.

Next year I … will take more money and take advantage of the vintage shops and hippy stalls.

Bring Wellies - Don't be fooled by one day of sunshine, Glastonbury mud is lethal. I've never understood people who wear flip flops. Is it really that fun to be caked in mud up to your knees? No. 

Uplifted - Physically, not spiritually. I've always resisted sitting on people's shoulders for fear of crushing them. However watching Mumford & Sons above the rest of the crowd was definitely a highlight (and nobody was crushed!).

Rolling Stones - Watch them on iPlayer and tell me they weren't amazing. He got them moves like Jagger, that's for sure. 

Yabbadabbado! -  How Fred Flintstone would describe the weekend. Seriously, it was that good.

 

So whether you're a festival-virgin or a die-hard fan, register for free on the Glastonbury website and come party/embark on a journey of self-discovery with me next year.

Naptime x

 

Pre-Glastonbury Farewell

I'm going to Glastonbury in the morning, and will be partying down there for the next week. To show my remorse I have penned a farewell poem for you;

I'm going away

For a couple of days

To the best festival on the planet

But readers, don't slack

Because when I get back

I'll write a great blog all about it

I'm actually quite impressed with that! What a cracking note to end on.

The Alchemist

Fancy going downtown to a swanky bar-come-laboratory? That's lucky, I've got just the place for you. It's called The Alchemist, there are 3 branches (two in Manchester and a new one in Leeds) and I love it.

 

 My favourite things about The Alchemist:

1. The yummy cocktails
2. The fun props they use to make them (such as tiny sieves and small stoves)
3. The attractive bartenders

(Nb. Not in order of preference)

 

Cocktails start from about £6 and they are DIVINE. The extensive menu includes all the classics (Mr. Mojito and the like) as well as many new inventions. Put it this way, if someone demanded that I choose a television programme to represent The Alchemist it would be Pimp My Ride. The ingredients are exciting and unexpected - a handful of dried rosebuds, passion fruit, flames and even dry ice!

 

To be honest it is more like a bar-come-laboratory-come-theatre with all the drama and props. £6 for a personal show. I mean when you look at it like that, it's a bargain.

 

Scarlett's Do's & Don'ts (I'm trialling this format, let me know what you think)

 

Do use this 'funky hangout' for a fancy birthday drink. I would say that respite from a long, hard day of shopping is also a valid reason but I have a feeling dad would disagree.

 

Don't use it as a picnic venue. Extreme hunger forced me to run round the corner to Tesco Express for some Hula Hoops. Unfortunately Mr Alchemist (the manager's formal title, I believe) isn't okay with people eating crisps at the bar so learn from my mistakes and eat before you go/in their restaurant. 

 

If you're into researching you can look at the website (http://www.thealchemist.uk.com/). 

OR you could just take my word for it and go …

 

 

… (and order me a Peach Bellini as a thank you).







 



 

The Rocky Horror Show

If you've never fantasised about a man in fishnet tights and high heels, you've obviously never been to see The Rocky Horror Show. Student loans tend to fund trips to the pub rather than trips to the theatre, but this was the best £27 I have spent all year. I also fell in love with Doctor Frank-n-Furter, and love is priceless. 

There are a lot of long-standing Rocky Horror fans out there (including myself, I've been to see it TWICE now), so to give you a little confidence boost on your first time I have compiled a short list of tips. Follow these 4 golden rules and you will look like a pro. 

1. Take a newspaper. I'd advise something lightweight (maybe a supplement from the Sunday Times) rather than a heavy broadsheet. You have to hold it above your head to protect your hair from the 'rain' (imaginary, don't worry) during the song 'Damn It Janet'. The song goes on for a good 3/4 minutes so selecting a suitable paper will prevent arm ache and fatigue.
2. Familiarise yourself with the Time Warp so that you can sing AND dance along enthusiastically. If you have trouble multi-tasking maybe have a quick practice in your lunch break (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rtkdo7bOmJc).
3. OUTFITS OUTFITS OUTFITS. Personally, I like to go as stripped-down Janet in a white petticoat and bra because you stand out a bit from all the heels and corsets. Of course men have to wear fishnets, essentially because it is fun to point and laugh.
4. Mastering audience participation. Every time the little narrator man says 'Janet' you have to shout 'slut'. It is imperative that one does not simply imagine that someone has said 'Janet'...people get upset if you randomly bellow SLUT. For this I can only blame the wine.

Click here to buy your tickets.

 

Go on, I dare you.